16 January 2012

The Overview of my Addiction

                     My Treatment Journey

The estate I lived on whilst growing up was riddled with crime and drugs. As much as my mother tried it wasn’t long before I was heavily involved in both. I don’t know what it was but doing wrong always seemed more exciting. By the time I’d reached eighteen I was taking all recreational drugs like Ecstasy and Cannabis, at the time I didn’t see these as a problem. I was also drinking heavily and behaving very stupidly.

A year later I was introduced to Heroin and Crack, having a lot of chaos and upset in my life, hating the way I was treating people in drink and having taken all the other drugs it felt like a natural progression. Heroin within months was ruling my life and it provided me with what I thought was inner peace, something I never had.

2007, after injecting for a few years and falling in and out of many Methadone and Subutex treatments programmes, I started to make a real effort to change my life for the better. I started to socialise at the local service user group, and after a few months a member of staff suggested I attend Addaction, Structured Day Programme to gain more support and join in the activities to help me with my confidence.

Whilst attending the S.D.P I experienced acupuncture and black box for the first time, these really made me feel well and I went on several courses which really helped me with my lack of confidence. I also met plenty of people I could relate to, I became friends with many. But somewhere in my mind I still felt like I missing out on the drug fuelled lifestyle, I felt I had some unanswered questions.

Within months I was back doing what I did best, taking drugs. This time was different though, I had burnt all my financial bridges, so I started shoplifting to feed my habit. Like with all inquisitive crime, it wasn’t long before I was stood before the courts, getting sentenced to a Drug, Rehabilitation, Requirement at Addaction.

Now I was the other side of the fence, feeling like the whole world was against me. It was strange for me after building trusting relationships with my S.D.P workers, sometimes seeing them on the D.R.R I felt like our relationships had changed, that I had let them down in some way. It’s fair to say I wasn’t in a very good place.

This relapse lasted right up until Christmas of 2009; I had to spend Christmas in hospital after getting an infection in my leg. I can honestly say that was the worst and loneliest time of my life. When I got home, I don’t know what it was, it felt like something had changed deep inside of me. I really didn’t want to use anymore and when I did it, the Heroin didn’t take me to that place where I had been hiding from real life and my emotions.

This brings me to the here and now. I like to think I’m in a much better place, working part time and studying. I just feel like everything is going to be fine. I have just completed the year long drugs in society course, which is the first positive thing I have seen through to the end. I also have enrolled on a Access to University course, after which, I hope to go on to university and study Addiction studies or Criminology.

Looking back at my time in active addiction, some of it was the worst periods of my life. I still today have good and bad days but at least now I have some control over my addiction. With time the cravings do get easier to control, getting off the drugs is far from easy but well worth it and the best thing I’ve ever done.

I am still on Methadone and slowly reducing, by spring 2012 I hope to be completely off it. With what I have learnt about myself and what I am learning on daily basis from the people around me I really think and believe I have a fighting chance of completely turning my back on that life forever.

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